46 seconds ago
Today I am going to bed 45 days sober 🤗💃 I had an amazing weekend with my main, @personallies 👯 it feels amazing to have true belly laughs once again and so, so, so much more. I have to remind myself each day to keep fighting in recovery. Addiction isn't discussed very often and if it is, it's usually with plenty of stigmas attached. But we're here, living amongst everyone else and if you know someone who's struggling–reach out to them. Let them know they're not alone and they can do it. I lost my friend last week to an overdose. She was only 23. I can't help but to wonder the "What ifs" but I know that won't help the situation. Unfortunately, this is a life or death game. Help spread the word of addiction and hopefully that will prevent it from taking so many beautiful lives.
#cleanandserene #AA #NA #sobriety #addiction #recovery
1 minute ago
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1 minute ago
Egg, toast, scones, strawberries, what else could I want? 🍳🍓
So lately I saw someone post a before and after picture of their ed, and it got me thinking. In all honesty, the versions of me before, during, and after my disorder all look alike. I look a lot different from myself a year ago, but comparing myself from right before it developed, to the thick of it, to now, I look almost the same. Maybe, I think, my struggle wasn’t valid. This is not true, but it’s how it feels sometimes. That since I didn’t change that much I didn’t actually endure that much. However, I have to realize that you can not see an eating disorder. My image did not change much, but my quality of life changed immensely. I think about how I felt during those months, and I never want to go back to that again. I may not have physically changed, but mentally I have completely transformed.
Stay Strong 💪🏼🍞
2 minutes ago
For the first time in 2 years I don't take my mental health problems out on my hair. It may look short to others but to me? It's not. It's a sign or strength and determination. I started loosing hair and my naturally thick locks were now thinning and brittle. Not cause I dyed it. But because mentally I was so stressed it was falling out or I was pulling it out. So I cut it. Time and time again I took a pair of clippers to it and either shaved it all off (Brittney spears 08 status) or I just chopped it. Not even styling it. It was the only "healthy" outlet I had. From being with my ex who was mentally destroying me, to my own demons. To being 17 and a new mom. I had given up drugs alone w/o my ex who still did them, and other bad things. I was just addicted to bad habits. So bad nights resulted in a quick fix. My hair. I wanted change so bad and so fast. And I could have that within minutes. But the older I get the more I begin to understand, to want change and growth it takes TIME. Something that I've never liked. I'm finding myself in ways I never expected to and one of those, is growing my hair. Instead of a quick fix that will sadly end in a few weeks I'm growing it. I'm no longer allowing myself to think that those fast changes are healthy. They aren't. I gave up all shampoo and conditioner and strictly use all natural products in it. I still dye it but in moderation. Not night after night. I trim it. Not chop it. I wake up and have days it's pointless it feels. Cut it. But then I play with it. Put it in my Samurai ponytail and giggle. Then there are days I wake up seeing the progress and I feel I'm accomplishing something. I'm changing my body and mind at the same time. The growth I do as a person grows with my hair. Slowly but surely. And the baby steps are what make it count. "Slow and steady wins the race". And that I live by. I was addicted to cutting it because it was the closest to that old life I had developed I could have without any damage. It's that quick fix I was taking about. But now I'm addicted to seeing myself grow in multiple ways. And learning day by day that's it going to take time.💛💯
#longpost #meaningful #recovery #slowandsteady
3 minutes ago
Excuses made are dreams delayed. -
The more bullsh*t you pump yourself with of why you didn’t get shit done, the more you are going to believe your excuses are justified. -
Keep making those excuses and see how you feel in 10 years when you’re still in the same place, doing the same shit and miserable.
Commit... and I mean 100% commit and watch how life gives back.
3 minutes ago
And just like that it’s BEGINNING 🐺🔥the event may be over, but our lives outside of the cocoon are just BEGINNING!!! 🦋 just like a snake or a crab 🦀 we need to keep growing and it’s events like this that help us to continue to shed that outer shell 🐚 that keeps us back from being our big beautiful selves. 🤙🏽⚡️
5 minutes ago
So sorry if this is like... tmi or say too long or whayever, but I'm just sitting here, feeding my baby, #breastfeeding even though no matter how a mom feeds their baby, there's something the mom is doing wrong, all while looking through my Instagram feed at some cute baby pages I follow. And as I'm looking here at this baby that I brought into this world through my body and reading these pages about c section births and how moms who had them didn't try or their bodies failed them or whatever else, I would just fucking love to meet these people. How in the world can you say that? Did any of these women (or maybe men) ever think that maybe c section was the only option? That maybe, like in my case, baby's heart rate dropped too low with contractions and in order to safely BRING A HUMAN INTO THE WORLD, this was the only safe option for this tiny person I MADE? That maybe I would have loved to try to have a natural birth? In my humble opinion, of course that opinion is one who ONLY has a c section birth to go off, I think they are MUCH harder than a natural birth. While all you moms pushing babies out the "normal" way, your vagina tears will heal in, at most, a week. While myself, having been plopped up on a table and sliced through my abdomen, took me a good 7 or 8 weeks to not have much pain in my belly anymore. All while caring for a newborn and going about normal life after having had major abdominal surgery. All while sitting and standing was hard enough on its own. So next time you know of someone who had a c section, think of all the shit they had to go through to get that baby here and to do it with the best interest of both mom and baby in mind before you go saying c sections aren't real births. I think all moms who do it are bad ass and now I have this wicked scar as proof that I brought a baby into this world. #suckit
#baby #birth #csection #cesarian #birthisbirth #birthwithoutfear #love #mother #son #boymom #scar #recovery #motherhood
6 minutes ago
I was having dinner with a friend the other night and started yammering about Alcoholics Anonymous. As all my friends know, I tend to subject them in conversation to whatever I am researching at the time, hence the drinking games tied to boring nutritional topics. "Drink every time Ashley says 'Iodine!' "
My poor friend gently reminded me that most people don't know what the 12 steps of AA are, and that I might explain what they were before I assumed everyone had spent time in drug rehab. You don't know my friends, I quipped....in my head.
So in preparation for my appearance at the Atlanta Science Festival on Thursday, March 22nd, I wrote this post about how I ended up in drug rehab myself and what I learned about AA while there. It should be a good primer on AA and 12-step programs if you are planning on coming on Thursday. I HOPE YOU ARE!! (But if not, we will be recording it, and if I don't embarrass myself too much, it will be shared on the blog. A big "IF" so please come!) www.callitgodcallitscience.com/2018/03/18/join-me-at-the-atlanta-science-festival
#ATLSciFest #Atlanta #Science #Spirituality #Alcoholism #Addiction #AA #Recovery #12Steps
7 minutes ago
I went MIA to Belize! ❤️The experience was amazing and I’m happy to be home and to reconnect 😍. Travel has been such an important part of my healing process but I learned it only does when I’m intentional about it. Changing your surroundings can be a great jump start to refresh, unwind, and to connect with your greater purpose. Before I left I was exhausted, my house was getting messier, I didn’t want to touch my to do list. I can home though raging to go! I’m ready to reach my goal of helping and healing as many individuals as I can, and I even deep cleaned my bathroom! What was different from this trip than others? I spent a lot of time being PRESENT. Taking in that I was safe and blessed beyond belief. I decided to leave any stress I had at home, at home. What’s was the point of worrying about what I couldn’t change from thousands of miles away!? (Power tip: it made me realize what’s the point of ever worrying about things I can’t change) I focused my energy to stay positive even when triggers came up. I gave myself the affirmation that these are just feelings and they will pass. They did. It was by far the best vacation of my life. Where did you go for spring break!?
9 minutes ago
SNAC ZMA®-5 #Howyalikeit
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11 minutes ago
Heal yourself, heal the world 🌎.
11 minutes ago
Knitted Elephant keep sake ° $40.00
12 minutes ago
A massive congratulations to 4D patient @lauraleighcameron on her effort during the Sydney Trail Series🏃🏻♀️
3 top 3 finishes and a win in the 10k series is a phenomenal effort after overcoming persistent injuries🥇🥈🥉
#Repost @lauraleighcameron with @get_repost
Two 2nds and a 3rd and I sneakily nabbed the 10k series win.
I’m coming your way with a few vouchers to spend @paceathletic 🙏🙌
13 minutes ago
When are you finally going to accept yourself?
When are you going to be done dieting?
When are you going to stop tracking your food?
When are you going to stop tracking your weight?
When are you going to accept everything that you are?
Everyday you wake up you are given two chances: 1)To continue hating yourself and wishing you were different 2)Loving yourself so much that you want to become the best version on yourself for YOU.
Enough people are going to talk down to you in this would, you don’t need to join in.
Can you remember who you wanted to be before the world told you who you should be?
Did 5 year old you dream of being a slave to yourself?
Today, I felt down on myself-where does that get me?
Self-love has never came from self-hate; remember that.💕
13 minutes ago
Restore and rejuvenate.
Don't forget your rest days !
29 minutes ago
Sunday morning recovery walk 😎
2 hours ago
I have felt reluctant to share my new recovery story because well, it’s my second time trying to get this right. But I’ve been told it’s not about me, it’s about the one person that may need to hear my story and my experience, strength and hope.
Even though I went the more socially acceptable route this time around, I could feel my spirit slipping away. And one might ask, if you were so miserable, why wouldn’t you stop? This is one of the definitions of addiction. I wanted to stop but couldn’t do it by myself. I felt my obsession return and the slow downward spiral of my self worth. I sure fought hard but it wasn’t enough. I had to ask for help from something bigger than myself. I had a big year. I graduated college, started a new job and got married. I should be ecstatic and proud. But my soul was suffering. After my miscarriage, my thoughts turned darker. I started trying to rationalize using and seeing where it could fit into this new life I have built. I was finally honest with myself because the truth was, there was no place for using to ever be in my life again.
I finally turned my life over again and surrendered. I couldn’t fight the insanity in my own head any longer. I couldn’t do it. Five months ago I humbled myself enough to ask for help. I found out why my spirit was empty. Allowing my addiction to resurface, is not congruent with my core self and my spirit. I became disconnected from everything I loved and cared about. It wasn’t any external factor like it was before. I feel grateful today that I have the opportunity to feel and give love. Because that is my true self.
And my husband has loved me through it all. He has shown me that love is not always conditional and I love him for that. And of course my family and close friends. “Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion” Brene Brown
Recovery has a different path for everyone. This is mine.
1 month ago
#Repost @keelycarney with @get_repost
Does everybody remember that night-before-the-first-day-of-school feeling? I'm having it right now.
I'm both terrified and excited to post this.
For some time now, I've been tiptoeing into the mental health advocacy world. I've started kinda-sorta secret accounts linked to throwaway email addresses so people I knew in real life wouldn't find them. I've written using the same strategy. I've even led digital courses in the mental health space...but I've refrained from outing myself in front of people I know.
It's not for the reason you'd think: I'm no longer scared of stigma. If you judge me for opening up about my mental health journey, there's something wrong with you, not me.
It's because I'm scared of not following through. Of starting but not finishing. Of doing a post like this, maybe keeping it up for a week or a month, then fizzling out.
It's a legitimate fear. My mental health journey has included struggles with depression and addiction. There have been plenty of times where, despite my best intentions starting out, I haven't followed through. I've gotten overwhelmed by life or my brain or both and gotten off track.
But you know what? I'm going to post this anyway.
Why? Because the world needs mental health advocates. Stigma fighters. Recovery warriors. People who loudly and proudly say, "mental health matters," then openly and honestly tell their story.
So here's my story: for most of my life, I've struggled with my mental health. Today, I'm doing better.
I don't know what the future will bring. I don't know if I'll be an empowered and impassioned mental health advocate for all of time. I don't even know if I'll stay well.
But I do know this simple truth: mental health matters. Every day. In every way. For every person.
So I'm going to post this. And (try to) keep posting. Because it's the right thing to do, even if it's scary.